Defy Aging: Telling Your Age
Why do people ask how old you are? Often it is to put you in a category. We all have stereotypes about what people are like at 50, 60, 90, 100, etc. And we usually expect people to "act their age."
Every time you say your age, your stereotypes about that are brought to mind. Some people lie about their age. Some chose younger role models. Some have a catchy remark like I’m 70 going on 15. Finally, some simply avoid or refuse to answer the question.
Probably the most elegant solution comes from Bob Hope. Hope, who is 97, describes himself as "many ages." There are times when you want to be like a six-year-old and play with children. There are times when you may want to play a sport like 20 year-old. And there are times for giving mature, sagely advice. The trick is shifting gears to fit the occasion.
Thinking of yourself as many ages avoids stereotypes. It also suggests that your repertoire of ages is becoming richer the older you become chronologically.
Acting our age merely limits our behavior to the stereotypes for our age. Since people base their stereotypes on how people aged in the past, the stereotypes for your age are usually about how your parents aged instead of how you are aging. Thinking of yourself as many ages sidesteps the whole issue. It’s hard to hit a moving target.
As comedian Joan Rivers put it, "People are forever being told to ‘act their age,’ but the role no longer comes with stage directions." The lack of "scripts" give us great freedom to write our own scripts.
Finally, there is baseball great Sachel Page’s famous question, "How old would you be if you didn’t know how old you was?" If your answer is a lot younger than your current chronological age, why not adopt that age as your real age? After all something is telling you that it is more your true age than your chronological age.
If you answered Page’s question with an age older than your chronological age, we need to talk. What is keeping you from feeling youthful?
We tend to become like the people with whom we spend time. That is no surprise. We all want to be liked and one way to be liked is to share common ideas, beliefs, and activities. Fortunately, we are old enough that we have outgrown the oppressive conformity many teenagers go through in trying to be liked and fit in.
Having friends who are younger than yourself, chronologically or in spirit, helps you stay young. To have younger friends you need to keep making new friends all your life. Just like the Girl Scout song says, "Make new friends and keep the old. One is silver and the other gold." I’m not sure if playing with babies makes us even younger than playing with younger friends, but it couldn’t hurt. Judge for yourself, does playing with grandchildren, great grandchildren, or even others’ children leave you feeling youthful and full of wonder?
As you can see I don’t consider the question how old are you to be a trivial one. By the way, now that we have discussed telling your age, how old are you?
* This article was previously published in Senior Times, February 2001.
Michael Brickey, Ph.D., ABPP is a life coach, psychologist, and author of Defy Aging: Develop the Mental and Emotional Vitality to Live Longer, Healthier, and Happier Than You Ever Imagined. He coaches people all over the country on how to do things they didn’t think they could do. He can be reached at DrBrickey@DrBrickey.com or 614-237-4556.